Ummmm, yeah.
5 questions about social media
and
How to love an Empath
I really think they are about the same thing. At least for me.
In response to 5 questions - I completely get the point. I knew I was having a problem last week when I thought - oh I should make bread so I can post pictures of it on facebook. Ummmm, nope. I justify myself constantly when posting on FB or here, saying "well, at least I don't do THAT" - which this article covers thoroughly. I think it can lead to discontent when we see everyone else having fun and we aren't or getting stuff that we aren't or being something that we aren't. This I must be on guard against.
What I really learned about myself, and this is not new information to anyone else is that I am a validation junkie. I don't really care what you are doing, I just want someone to appreciate what I am doing. I am not sure that this is all bad. It can become bad when I don't get the response that I was hoping for and it ruins me, which I struggle with, but what the Empath article made me realize is - this is also a good part of me.
It is a hard part - I am pretty sure it makes people less want to engage with me. Realness is uncomfortable, heck, anymore, kindness is sometimes uncomfortable. When I worked at Amazon I started the happy face club, I feel a little bit like I should be ashamed of this, or of telling people about it. I bought a bunch of tiny happy faces and started giving them out to people that were nice or looked like they needed cheering up, it made me *so* happy to do this. So so happy! I am not ashamed, I am proud. I am proud that I am the type of person that can give in this way. I feel horrible when I talk myself out of giving.
This is the thing though, I also love to receive, I try hard not to take - not to be needy (something I have been accused of before, much to the detriment of my mental health ;) ). I posted about M&M's on FB yesterday. It was true that the bag of M&M's were gone, literally. This was an analogy though, and the people that posted played into it perfectly. Jonathon and I talked about this the other night. He needs things of the heart to have a concrete explanation. I told him that I needed a full bag of M&Ms and I love giving away my M&M's and, often, it is like more just appear, but when they are taken and not returned - I run out.
This is not a good place for me - The connections that I have on FB fill my M&Ms. No one has to comment, everyone is more than welcome to unfriend me, same with this blog, read it, don't read it - I can live with that. Me, telling myself that I am bad or wrong for wanting to share though - that is what kills me - that is what empties my bag. I will keep engaging with people on the internet, I will keep inviting people into my life and being rejected, I will keep serving and sharing and being my interesting self - because I am and I can't not be.
What I must do is be more aware of the little ways that my M&Ms are given back; with a kiss from my baby or a positive school day with my struggling student or a smile back in the grocery store . These are the M&Ms of life and I love them (especially the peanut butter ones!).
And always the hope is that social media is a means - to face to face interactions, to truth and Truth being spoken among friends, to opportunity for care and compassion being communicated and acted out, in real life and real time.
Because that is so completely worth it.
